Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The sms convo post - the one that could potentially jeopardize my industrious blogging career

me- off2 d beach v go, u guys cuming?
my sis- want to but i hav my blud cancer...cnt cum :(
me- ohh my condolences.
she-oh i know. Thank u
me- actually i wanted 2 write pls convey my condolence to ur uterus :D
she- podi luse. My uterus is cryin blud tears..
me- aioo papa rakta kaneeru? Actually tell P my condolences dis time also he cudnt get u preggers hahahahhahahahaha :D
she- aioo i dnt want also di. Thank u
me-Then remove that uterus and throw it in the bin di, chumma waste of space n money buyn pads. U fill dat empty space with anothr lung or kidney.
she- actually ur rite. its a waste of space n money...U want ah di xtra uterus?
me- no space sorry.
me- I think i mite put our convo on d blog watduthink?
she- I'l kill u di i swear. I'l cme n drown u in d beach..
me- Y di? Its funny no? Nobody knws u anyway so y r u worid?
she-R u kiddin me?
me- hey i need anthr post man n dis is a gud story, pls di.
she- Nooo...

*as you can see my sis and I are missing few vital screws.
*people with siblings, is this normal?
*she doesn't even live in Chennai, so she couldn't have come to the beach if she wanted.
* this might be the end of Masala Vade, goodbye my dear readers.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Why my kiddo will not get LKG admission.

Me- I was looking at that school your friend recommended, they have an entrance exam for std.1 to 12th admission!!! And for LKG/UKG admission the kid has to answer their questions and identify colours or something.
Jay- That is so retarded!
Me- yaa I know. Anyway, I taught the boy something new today morning. Wait I'll show.
Me- Chinnu, toilet paper yakke use madthare? (what do we use toilet paper for?)

*He probably won't get an admit even in the govt. schools!
*If you are wondering why I taught him about toilet paper, well, we spend half our day in the loo so its natural that we end up talking about tap, water, potty, flush, toilet paper sigh.
*and no I don't use toilet paper in my sambhar.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Murugan Idli Kadai - why the hype?

I first heard about this kadai (if you like my husband who can't speak Tamil kadai is not kadai paneer wala kadai, it means shop in Tamil) from Nags who got the idli recipe from the chef and posted it on her blog. Then a friend of mine had come home with her mom and said, "we never make idli at home whenever we feel like eating idlis we just hop over to murugan idli kadai". "Whats so special about that idli ?' I asked, "sponge madri erukum. sooo soft" she said (I could see she was already dreaming about Murugan and his idli.

So off we went to sample this sponge of an idli and see just how soft it is. I have to admit Jay was very reluctant to come. "Idli?! We have to go out to eat idli? You make no at home. You get only idli there? Are you sure?" said he, "yes, we have to eat idli. My idlis are not sponge so I have to see what this sponge idli is like. No you get masala dosa also. yes dead sure." I replied.  We reached the place and found it to be jam packed. "See I told you it was good its full! holy crap we have to wait to get seated! then it has to be good." I told Jay who was still not impressed. We had to wait 10mins to be seated.

Inside they lay a banana leaf and 4 kinds of chutney and 1 sambar. "yenna ve..? (what do you want?" asked the waiter, I didn't even let him finish his sentence, "rendu idli and kuzhipaniyaram" (2 idlis and kuzhipaniyaram- Google it) Jay ordered masala dosa. sponge, sponge, sponge, sponge idli like sponge was all I could think about. And it came and I ate and Jay looked, I nodded, not the up and down nod, it was left to right slow nod, "I need to ask that girl which type of sponge she meant. The dishwashing type sponge or the animal sponge. This idli is like crap. Hows you dosa?" "bah! same crap, dosas here is never like the dosas in Bangalore." Which is actually kinda true, B'lore dosas are smaller, crisper and have that awesome red chutney. We then ordered a onion uttapam, which was also just so-so. The vada had no salt and the sambar was bland. The shocker- oil and podi was 9rps! :O I have eaten idlis in Saravana Bhavan (we order idlis for my boy) it comes with 2 types of chutney, sambar, a kurma and podi/oil, it is much tastier than this Murugan idli. Our bill for 2 idlis, 4 kuzhipaniyaram, 1 masala dosa and 2 onion uttapams was 250rps. Definitely not worth it!

Stupid me came home and Googled for Murugan idli kadai reviews, why o why did not read this - earlier?!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Choyya Batha

If you are thinking this is a post on Chole Bhature, you are wrong. This is not even a food related post. Choyya = pee, batha/barathe= coming. This choyya batha is the latest mantra in my house. This is how it came into being,

So we moved back to India for good (another post) and I've decided that the boy needs to be put in play school the day after he turns 2, which is in July (another post, I WILL write this one) and my mom decided that I should start potty-training the boy, "now that you are in India you can mop the floor if he pees. Stop putting that pad (thats diaper in her language. She is vehemently opposed to diapers, I don't know why, its just like sanitary napkins but for babies no?). "But amma, that brand new potty will be coming from the US by this month end, we can start after..." "potty-a gutty-a (don't ask, I don't know what a gutty is)you and your sister were toilet trained by 18months (sometimes she says things about us that makes me wonder how we both didn't end up in NASA designing a shuttle to Pluto. "you girls never made any noise, so silent you both were. You both never played with pee or poop. You girls were never mischievous. You girls never played with the idli cooker or stove or water. I don't know if this was about us being good girls or her being a super-awesome parent lol). But she did have a point, the weather here is really not conducive to diaper wearing 24/7 so 1st step was to go to Pondy Bazaar (I live in Chennai now so if anybody wants to chat come by), "amma! Pondy bazaar? It is so far away." "but its very cheap." she replied. The word 'cheap' does play a magic mental trick on most of us, no? We bought around 20 chaddis and then I realized that Pondy Bazaar was not cheap actually, "amma, the taxi fare itself was 400rps, for that amount we could have bought those chaddis here only." "I told you we'll go by share auto, you didn't listen." Sigh I stopped arguing, really share auto (its a auto-bus type situation, many people get in and the auto stops at specific points) with a hyperactive 22 month old, sure why not!!

The next morning the kid was bathed, powdered and un-diapered but pondy bazaar-chaddied. "eega choy bandre, 'choy barathe' helbekku aitha?" (now if you want to pee, you have to tell me 'pee is coming' ok?) said my mom and my son looked at her like he understood everything. 20minutes later we heard a chap-chap sound, he had peed and was splashing it all over by clapping it with his hands, saying 'chooyyy chooyy..' (pee peee...). My mom," chinnu! naanu yen helde? choy bandre helbekku. No choy in chaddi ok?' (Chinnu! What did I tell you. If you have to pee you have to tell me. No peeing in your chaddi ok?" The pee was mopped, his chaddi was washed and I took him to the loo every hour sitting beside him saying 'choy maadu, shhhh..' (apparently shhhh..brings out the pee) The kid repeated after me "shhhhh.." and looked down no pee. 'Please baa choy' I plead, 'baa choy' he repeated. (5 years ago I would have never thought that I would be looking at a 2yr old's genitalia and literally begging for pee, sigh such is life!). Then finally he peed said "bye-bye choy". Now if you are thinking he got the whole peeing in the bathroom idea and its all smooth sailing from now, you probably do not have kids. Here is how my not yet 2 yrs-2.5 feet-10 teeth-cannot speak full sentences little bugger has been manipulating the choya batha situation:

1) If I'm busy in the kitchen and not paying him any attention he yells, 'chooyyaaa bathaa'. The stove is switched off, pots and pans dropped right there and he is rushed to the loo. Not a drop of pee even after 5 mins of shhhhh-ing. 'barallaa' (its not coming) he says with a sly smile. Argh!
2)The boy is a fussy eater and will try all tricks to get away from food, his latest is screaming, 'choyaa batha' 10minutes into his meal. He is rushed from the high chair to the loo. Again he starts playing with water and 'baralaaa'. Argh! Argh!
3) I just need 10mins to myself, 10mins to just relax, not talk like bhalu the bear or say the beach is closed right now (I live 5mins from the beach and the kid wants to go to the beach every 5mins) I am with the newspaper and he comes with his teddy, 'chumma chumma (my name is Suma, TMI in this post no?!") teddy kissy" 'Hmm..kiss kiss' not even looking at that thing. He then brings out the idli cooker and starts banging the idli plates yelling 'eeegggiii' (idli). I don't flinch. "CHOYAAA BATHAA" we are in the loo the next second. 5mins later, 'barallaaa' ARGHHHHHHHHH!!

If you are wondering about the poop situation, don't worry I won't be writing about it. If you have kids how did you manage to potty train them? Any tips and tricks? If you don't have kids, and don't want one- lucky you, but if you want one-mental ah?!