Old age?

Every time I finish cooking, J does a full inspection of the kitchen. Because I, sometimes (ok make that usually) forget to switch off the stove (mine is an electric stove not gas). Today was different.

I decided to make this and added 2Tb sesame seeds in the kadai and got stirring to get it all brown. Stir, stir, stir...for a full 15mins, still it was white as snow. Packet old? No. Genetically modified sesame seeds that probably don't brown? No. Maybe I had to stir around for some more time? No. May be the heat was not enough? Umm.... I hadn't even switched on the damn stove.

Should I be worried?

On a side note the baingan dish came out good. And I would have saved 10mins if that stove was on. Dammit.

Oh my gosh!

I thought a news channel is supposed to report international/national news. News= war, famine, drought, politics, scientific breakthroughs and other such newsworthy items.

Star news I think you really ought to change your name to Star's Gossip News.

When she is pregnant she has no choice, she has to deliver the baby (and you guys will get the photos somehow)! So dumb 3mins 57sec analyzing why she threw some sand. And me another fool for watching it!

India Guide: You ask, I answer

I have been dying to do this post ever since I saw a similar one on another blog (I've trying to find that blog for 2 days, no luck :( )

1) I am visiting India for the first time how should I prepare myself? - Michelle

Hi Michelle, I am happy you are visiting India (of all the places in the world you had to chose this place!) Well, for starters, I would advice you to watch Lonely planet on Discovery channel this show will give you more information about India and its people. I would also advice you to talk to Indians in your neighbourhood, avoid the ABCDs they have no clue about India. Visit the temples and the kitty parties hosted by fat desi aunties. But in general I would suggest you get chlorine bleach, iodine tablets, a doctor (if thats too expensive get tickets to Singapore), frozen food.

2) What is advisable to eat and drink in India? - Pat

Hey Pat, this is a very good question. I have seen many tourists not taking this seriously and then end up spending time in the loo with dysentery than enjoy their trip. Indian people love to hand-handle their food i.e, they touch food with their bare hands with no gloves (Egads!) I would advice you to stay off Indian food. Its best you bring pre-cooked pastas and frozen salads. The only thing safe to eat in India is raw vegetables and fruits. But remember to soak them in chlorine bleach before consuming them. I would suggest you drink all the water you can before you board the flight and get some rubber water bottles (the ones seen in the movie Laurence of Arabia). If you are desperately thirsty drink soda made only by the Coca Cola or Pepsi company.

3) Do people understand English and other foreign languages? - Mark

Hi Mark! You have to understand India is a third world country. There are not many schools or internet cafes. Indians can speak only their native tongue. In some parts of India (especially teh rural areas) people only communicate through drawing on the walls (you must have seen this in Raise of the Neanderthal on Discovery). I would advice you to watch the parliament session and try to learn the native tongue and the drawings/sign languages from a gentleman named Laloo Prasad Yadav and his pals.

4) Can I pay in Euro, US $ or through credit cards in India? - David

David, India does not accept foreign currencies. They still believe in the barter system. If you want to buy a tomato you have to trade your watch, if you want to buy a pastry (not a good decision) you have to give them your suitcase.

5) Should I use auto and bicycle rickshaws? - PK

Hi PK, I would not recommend autos or rickshaws. They have been known to interchange the position of bones in the vertebra. I would suggest you rent a bullock cart (a bull attached to a wooden trolley) or an elephant. They are much cheaper and gentler on the bones.

6) I have heard there are animals on the streets how should I deal with them? - Dan

Hi Dan yes sadly animals rule the Indian roads. You might encounter a feral cow or dog. I would advice you to have some bananas and a packet of Parle-G (cookies for dogs) handy. Just in case they attack you throw these and you will be safe. Do not attempt to pet any of these animals, remember they are not domesticated they will bite and it will not be a good sight.

7) How should I handle beggars? - Linda

Hi Linda I am so happy you asked this question. After the feral animals, its the beggars who are a menace. I would advice you not to look at them in the eye. If they run after you turn around and give them a stern look. If its a child beggar, then just throw some cheap candy, get on your elephant and run for your dear life. If you find a woman begging with a baby and you pity her and would like to help her out. Stop. The baby is definitely not hers and she doesn't deserve any sympathy.

8) Do cell phones work in India? - Twiggy

Twiggy I am sorry to say mobile phones do not work in India. Most people used small boys as messengers to communicate information, but now since USA is pressurizing India to stop child labour, messenger-boys are not in vogue. Instead pigeons are being as communication gadgets. You can buy these pigeons at the local bazaars (markets) , if you buy 10 you get standard messages like "Hi I am fine", "Thank you", "No mention", "Want to watch drama tonight?", "Want to play kabbadi( it's a game where a man slaps his thighs shouting 'kabadi, kabadi' and try to grab another man's thighs)?" etc for free. Remember, custom messages are expensive so chose your words carefully.

9) What do I do if I get sick? Are there good hospitals in India? - Jim

Oh Jim! The last thing you want to do in India is get sick. There are no hospitals in India which offer medical care that you get in your country. You probably have to fly to Singapore or Malaysia to get medical attention. Also it is best that you get shots for tetanus, malaria, whooping cough, measles, polio, meningitis, hepatitis A to Z, STDs, chicken pox, small pox, H1N1 and other such diseases (See my book for the complete list) before you land in India. You can also hire a doctor to accompany you on your trip.

10) Should I drink water? Is bottled water safe? - JJ

NOOO.. JJ avoid drinking water in India. The so called mineral water is nothing but clarified sewage water packaged in a plastic bottle. I would suggest you drink tender coconuts (coconut that still has its husk and the flesh has not hardened) to quench your thirst, but remember to drop an iodine tablet in the coconut before you drink it. Also remember to soak the straw in chlorine bleach before using it.

11) Generally speaking when is the best time to visit India? - Gordon

Dear Gordon anytime is ok to visit India. But get a gas mask to protect you from the pollution and smell.

12) How should I dress on the streets? - Diane

Hi Diane I would advice you not to wear tank tops or mini skirts. They attract unnecessary attention from men. It would be best if you can find a saree or even better a nighty (a long house gown in plain colours or floral prints worn by Indian women) to cover your modesty.

13) Is there snow in India? - Emily

Yes Emily, you just have to open the freezer and scrape the ice- instant snow!

PS- I didn't make up any of these dumb questions. I found them on a travel website.

Puke, Doc, IV, J, French toast, nurse, ER, ughhhh....

Hey all! I was supposed to post pictures from our trip but I was sick as a dog yesterday. This is what happened:

6am alarm: groaannn..I don't want to get up :( Got up with much difficulty made some crappy tomato rice. Packed J's dabba.

7.30am: Tried to eat cereal, milk cold, no energy to reheat it in the microwave (!!!) Left it on the table. Hit the bed, croaked a bye to J from the bed.

8am: dreamt that I was in India eating Masala Dose (sigh!) Went back to sleep

11am: Got up hungry. Took a bath.

12 noon: Chatted with Nandu and stuffed that tomato rice, cereal still rotting on the table.

1pm: puke

2pm: SOS to J: not ok. Come home soon.

3pm: Hungry ate an apple and a banana. Cereal still rotting on the table.

4pm: Puke

5pm: SOS#2 to J: dying.

6pm: Hungry, drank 1/2 glass milk. Cereal still rotting on the table.

6.20pm: puke

7pm: dead on the bed

7.15pm: J home, forces some crackers and a toast down my throat. Calls home to ask his mom what to do. " Get GluconD", J googles, "Where to get GluconD in USA?"

8pm: puke, call J, "I want no GluconD, take me to a hospital!!!"

9pm: Call to the nurse to see if I need to go to the hospital (WTH!)

9.30pm: "all agents are busy at the moment please hold the line" Beethovan playing.

9.45pm: "Hello, my name is Robin how can I help you?" ("Ahh..I need a coffin 7 by 5 , rosewood can you get it? I need to get to a hospital!!!! ARGHHHHHHH") "Is the inside of your mouth dry?" yes, "How many times have you puked?" Ahh 5 times? "When did you pee last?" just now, "was it colourless, light yellow or dark yellow? Rainbow colour ARGH!!!!! gimme a break! " OK you need to get to the emergency right away" Thats what I have been trying to tell you all along! Sheesh!!!

10.45pm: Hospital. height, weight, BP checked. You need IV

11pm: In a hospital gown, on the bed with an IV inserted.

12am: You are ok now, go home take rest and drink lots of fluids. Thanks, can I buy some more of that IV fluid from you?

12.30am: CVS, J searching for energy drinks, and GluconD (ARGH!!!) "Mudu (means sweet/darling/pet in Kannada, thats what he calls me, so much love no?) I found glucose tablets kane!" Oh joy!

12.45am: home. J dissolves 4 (!!!!!!!!) glucose tablets in water. It looks like orange sewage discharge. Discovers its chewable tablets not dissolvable. Sigh!

1am: J realizes he hasn't had dinner yet. Decides to make french toast (!). Me still dead on the bed chewing glucose wishing I had another IV stuck to my arm. "Mudu yenealla hakthya french toast ge? (what do you need for French toast?"

1 motte, salpa haalu, sakre, vanilla essence (egg, milk, sugar, vanilla essence)

Man brings the vessel which has an egg and some milk, to the bedroom "eshtu haalu sakka?"

haann..

Returns to the kitchen

"sakre yeshtu?" (how much sugar?")

2 spoon or how much ever you want (I can bet you he would have added 5-8 tablespoons)

"Vanilla essence yeshtu?" (how much vanilla essence?)

2-3 drops

"yelli ede essence?" (where is it?)

fridge, I need that IV NOW!

"you have 3 different bottles here which one do I use?"

"don't use the organic, its only for cakes. Don't use the Wilton one its for making buttercream. Use that Costco one"

"Which pan do I use now"

GRAON!!! Use the small blue one ya! I am calling the ER!

I have no idea what he did after this, I was a dead log and didn't wake up till 9am today. He was a real sweetheart though, he was rubbing my feet and trying to keep me warm, made toast (hey thats a big deal for someone who can't cook!), cut apples, made GluconD (LOL!!), left to work without waking me up :D

I never want to get sick ever again. I do want to buy that IV fluid though, anyone has any clue where to get it?

Chocolate Burfi

I know, I know, I said I am going away and won't be posting anything. But I just had to share this recipe with you. For those who don't know what burfi is I have tried to define it, this is what chocolate burfi means,

chocolate = bliss, divine, I-love-you-even-if-you-are-fat

burfi = awesome, drool, dribble

chocolate+burfi = Heaven

Now that the technical part is all done lets get down to business of making this piece of heaven.

Ingredients: Source- Amma

1 tin condensed milk

Cashewnuts a handful

Cocoa powder 1/2 C

Butter 50g

Sugar 3/4 C

1) Grease a plate or baking pan.

2) Toast the cashew nuts.

3) Add the condensed milk, cocoa powder, butter and sugar in a kadai or thick-bottom vessel.

4) Start to stir on low heat.

5) Stir, stir, stir...

6) The mixture will start to thicken and your arms will beg you to stop. Don't. You are burning 20Cal/min, keep going. Add the cashew nuts at this stage.

7) The mixture will start to come together as a ball- don't over do it, you will end up with chocolate itty-bitties!

8) Immediately pour into the greased plate.

9) Smooth the surface.

10) Cut it into the size and shape you want.

11) Cool completely.

If you find that when you cut the slices, the mixture is still gooey, take it back to the heat and stir again. If it crumbles horribly...well...then...its chocolate chips :|

I have not altered the pictures in anyway, they are straight out of the camera, so you should get the same colour!

Course 3, Cake 1

I have nothing interesting to post. No insane thoughts, ramblings or rants. Nada. Zip. Yeah even I am shocked. So I am just going post pictures of the cake I did in yesterday's class. I am doing course 3 which is all about fondant. We were supposed to do this cake,

The Wilton book has some really amazing cakes but this one did not appeal to me at all. I had some free time this week and pretended to be this master chef. I wanted to do a mehendi (henna) cake with a big bow (I know bow and henna don't mix, but whatevah) so I drew out my design on a paper,

I decided to use the 1st pattern dunno why. So this pattern repeat with a nice bow all done in burgundy ought to look like this,

Went to class, the teacher said that specific bow has to be done 3 days prior to decorating, damn! So I settled for the less exciting bow,

Made a pearl border in which all pearls were of different sizes :| Came home and sat doing the mehendi design on the cake.

It took me 3 hours to get the right colour, right consistency and the right look. And so there my finished cake,

There are some lines which are a bit crooked (hate that) but overall I think it looked good. I was using cake box mixes for all my cakes (lack of time) this time I made a carrot cake from Martha Stewart's site. OMG it was awesome (I ate all the trimmings) well, anything that has 3 sticks of butter ( :O ) has to taste good! This cake itself is 4 layered with cream cheese frosting in between.

Some final notes;

1) I heart fondant, its so much better than buttercream decorating wise. You can do anything you want and if its smudged it can be fixed, unlike buttercream.

2) Drawing on paper- easy and reproducing that on a cake -hardwork.

I going away for a few days to get away from this disgusting weather (did I tell you guys how much I ABHOR winter?)

Some place sunny and nice. I will be back with loads of pictures. I have a feeling this tree might want to join us. Poor thing.

Parents tell me something

I have been thinking about this a lot and I want parents to give me an answer (don't worry its not something serious!). Well, last year we had some friends over. One couple had 3 kids (ages 3-5). The two boys were v. naughty they ran around the house smashing anything they could lay their hands on. Amazingly the parents didn't control (is that the word?) the kids, they just sat around watching them wreck my house. My poor husband was behind the kids the whole time. We do not have kids, my house is not kid friendly. We have wires, plugs points and cords all over the house (not kid safe), the last thing both of us wanted is one of the kid getting his finger stuck in a socket (In fact I saw the brother and sister playing with an extension cord when I stepped into the bedroom to get something). Add to our misery we live in a freaking apartment with not many kids. People living in apartments in this country will know how sound travels. Both of us were afraid that the tenants living below us would complain to the leasing office. It made no sense trying to stop these super energetic kids from playing, and seemed more wise to take them downstairs. Well that didn't happen. Why?

" If there are kids, there will be noise and people should accept it" said the Dad. I was speechless (which is v. rare). Then he proceeded to tell us how on a recent trip to India the kids were getting restless and started kicking the seats in the front. The lady who was in that seat turned around and asked the father to make the kids stop. The father told the lady, "I can't, I can't control the kids. What do you want me to do? Where can I take them?"

He then proceeded to dis that woman. Apparently she was an American and according to him, Americans have no patience. Why? Because the kids kicked an old Indian woman (God knows how many people got kicked on that flight!) and she said, "oh its ok after all they are kids". J looked at me and I looked at him. That was our only reaction!

First of all saying Americans have no patience is such BS. Patience is not something connected to race or religion. It depends on the person. I am an Indian and if my seat is being kicked constantly I would definitely ask the parents to do something. Imagine people, the journey to India is a freaking 16 hour flight with 1 stop over and 3 different time zones. You would have just finished dinner in flight # 1, hop onto the next flight and get ready to have breakfast in flight #2! Strange smells begin to emanate from fellow passengers (gag), there is nothing interesting to watch on those damn 3" TV, no trees or cars outside the window only stupid white clouds, legs slowly begin to cramp, you are no longer interested in the peanuts or orange juice (C'mon you drank 10 of those already!), you can't feel the roar of the engine or tell if the stupid thing is moving at all! I hate the journey, the only thing that keeps me sane is the thought of meeting my family (and pigging out on street food!). Being a grown up if I've issues flying I can imagine what torture it must be for kids. I can understand how tough it is to look after 3 kids and keep them entertained for 16 hours. But I believe that once you decide to become a parent, you have signed that "agreement" to be in charge of them 24/7. You cannot blame another person for your kid's discomfort and misbehavior. I am just curious what you guys think.

Do you think its fair to ask others to adjust while the kids are creating a ruckus?

How do you guys manage to keep kids entertained on long flights?

Colouring books and video games can keep kids aged 5 and above entertained, but how do you manage smaller kids?

PS- I have an extremely naughty nephew and one day he was just going bonkers. He kept pulling my dupatta and used it as a rope to hang from my neck (like Tarzan). I kept telling him to stop it (in my nicest voice) he didn't stop. I had to smack him :| And his mom (God knows where she was all this time) came in and saw her son crying. She instead of telling him it was wrong to misbehave started to dis me (Hello!!??? are you blind?) one thing she said was, "You guys will know only when you have kids." WTF!!! I have managed to keep away from her and her son from that time onwards!!

Who said thesis is fun?????!

This post if for all those who said I didn't do any research/thesis is fun.

List of formatting corrections that needs to be done by this Friday.

After struggling with MS Word for 4 hours, I called J and made him come home early. He is working on this thing now and all I can hear is, "Oh dammit!", "Insert the page number you moron", "which fcking person designed this fcking thing?,"uhhh..I hate it, I hate this stupid fcking thing" and other such colourful phrases. Technical matter is so much easier to write/edit than disgusting margin/page number/figure only 2" by 3" and other formatting crap ugh!

A happy news (nope not preggers), I made Handvo! Woohoo my first ever Gujarati dish. I pestered poor Arch some 2-3 times, had doubts all stages! Like a proud girl I say, my first Handvo :D clap, clap, clap! Thanks Arch.

/

She asked me bake it in a muffin pan but I was out of paper liners and the last thing I wanted to do is wash that muffin pan. So I baked it in a 9" pan and made a aluminum foil tent over it :P. She made mint chutney so I made mint chutney :D

Both of devoured 3/4 of that big 9" thing in one sitting! Yummylicious! Get the recipe here.

Bourbon Biscuits!

Do you guys remember Bourbon biscuits? As kids we used to separate the biscuits and lick the chocolate cream that held the two biscuits, then eat those sugar crystals that were sprinkled on the biscuit then finally we got to the actual biscuit! My mom used to make Bourbon biscuits quite often. I got the recipe from her sometime ago and decided to give it a try today.

Ingredients:
3 tsp cocoa powder
250g all purpose flour
120g butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
120g sugar
2 tsp honey

for the cream:
25g butter
50g powdered sugar
1/2 tsp cocoa powder

1) Preheat oven to 375 F.
2) Cream the softened butter and sugar till fluffy and light. Mix in the honey.
3) Sieve the flour, baking soda and cocoa powder.
4) Mix the dry and wet ingredients together to form a soft dough (add milk if it doesn't form the dough).
5) Roll out the dough on a parchment paper covered surface. Cut into 2" long biscuits.
6) Sprinkle sugar on the biscuits and bake for 15-20 mins.
7) Cool on a wire rack.
8) Mix the butter, sugar and cocoa powder and smear it on the cooled biscuit. Cover it with another biscuit.

Notes:
1) The biscuit by itself was very crisp but a bit too sweet (I wonder why!). Next time I'm going to decrease the quantity of sugar and up the amount of cocoa instead.
2) I would increase the quantity of cocoa in the cream also next time. Or omit the cream totally!

I cannot recollect the taste of the biscuits that my mom made, but if it were this sweet then its no wonder why we got all hyper when she took out that over of hers!!

Blogs dictate my dinner menu (somedays!). Arch posted her kasuri methi aloo gobi today and I made it for dinner.

Very, very tasty! Get the recipe here, thanks Arch!

This post is all about me. Read it only if you want to, if not go away don't crib

This post is all about me, myself and I. If you are against boasting and believe that people shouldn't constantly harp on their achievements, then I will give you 2 ways to avoid feeling sucky. If you own a Mac, take your cursor to the upper left-hand side corner, you see that small red button with a cross? Click on that. If you have a PC, the button is on the upper right-hand side corner. When that button is pressed it will take you back to your Gandhian way of life heehaaw!

How many of you are still with me? Ok Sakshi, Nags, Arch and HB I see 4 hands (you guys are so special, do you realize that?):D. I was for the most part buried in my books but did manage to have some fun. My life from Aug. 10th to Oct. 29th:

1) A friend came visiting:

The first person to become my friend in bloggerville was Nandu. I still don't know how we began dating, I mean talking :D. We spend a considerable time on Gtalk discussing very important issues that plague the world. For example, topics on Ina Garten, US of A bane or boon (mostly bane), sucky health care system, food blogs, food blogs that have dog food as human food, non-food blogs, in-laws, out-laws, how to remove laws, jobs, depressing H4 visa, gay guys on TV, Padma Lakshmi... the list is crazy and goes on. And then there was the rasam power and BBB powder that she sent me (now how on earth can one not be friends with her?). So finally they decided to come meet moi and ma mari. Oh lord! it was the funnest (yep that word is in the Oxford dictionary alright) time I have had in a looong time. I expected her husband A to be this geeky-no fun -all books guy, I was SO wrong! He was SO SO funny and witty (actually wittier than Nandu, sorry maa). I was jabbering away non-stop (yeah even while having food) for 3 awesome days. Nandu I won't forget your American accent, Trya Banks imitation and POT! A, your Karadi TR talks, "illavarasi good morning illavarasi. Amma nan vandhuvitten" (I am giggling as I type this) is often recollected. My only grouse- next time when you come bring 2 loaves of that cake and 3 bottles of thokku! You guys totally rock. See I wrote a whole paragraph on you both, I deserve a cake (Devil's chocolate cake).

2) Crochet to save my sanity (or retain my insanity, I'm not too sure):

I have been wanting to learn crochet ever since I saw stuff on Nupur's blog. I tried to learn it from you-tube, it was SO frustrating. Finally I went and enrolled for crochet lessons in a craft store. A dear friend of mine was celebrating her birthday and she asked for some knitted/crochet things. "Never shut the door on opportunity", said Socrates (go check if you want), so there I made all this,

And my dear cousin is expecting her first baby, "Never miss the opportunity that comes second", said Julius Caesar (Google it if you want!)

A blanket

and a hat

On the knitting front I learnt how to knit cables and loops, sweet.

3) How to use my camera more effectively:

Photography classes. Yep went and took a half a day course on photography. Took lots of notes, went "oooooooH" "aaah-haaaa", got some gyaan on ISO, aperture and exposure. So much fun for $50, 4 hours of class.

4) Bakerella:

I love to bake. Period. But I have trouble decorating cakes. And what did I do? Yes! Joined a cake decorating class in Micheals'. My teacher is a super cool woman, she has her own catering business and makes cakes for a living (how awesome-superduper-cool is that?!). You can watch her on Fox News.

And my cakes:

a) The "OMG its my first cake" cake:

b) Freaky clown cake:

c) The dreaded rose cake:

d) For the 2nd course we made a LOT of flowers using royal icing and we were supposed to make a basket-weave cake and dump...no decorate the cake with the flowers.

Unfortunately, my cake looked more like the "Amazon jungle cake" than a basket cake!

I dislike cakes with frostings so all these cakes went to J's office.

5) Landed a movie role:

Yes people, Stephen Spielberg asked me if I could be in the next Indiana Jones movie, as Harrison Ford's great-great-granddaughter. Well, I thought about it for some days. You know how difficult it is for married women to work- like I have a husband who is totally dependent on me, my plants that need watering, cooking and other domestic chores need to be done. He said 2 million I said yes. The movie is going to be released in Summer 2011. We still haven't decided on the name, some suggestions are: "Indiana Jones retire, SJ take over", "Old Indiana Jones", "Indian Jones and The Temple of Retirement Homes", "Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Graveyard", "Indiana Jones and The Last Coffin".

Thank you, come again.

Okay I lied. I lied about Socrates :| *SJ hangs head in shame*

Yoohoooooo...

'Allo 'allo...SJ calling bloggerville. over.

static

Can you hear me. over.

static

I am back. over.

static

I hope you guys had no fun while I was gone. over.

static.

Answer me, 'allooooo. over and out.

PS- People I cleared my thesis defense successfully. I got emails from a number of you wishing me good luck. Thank you so much!!

Temporarily out of service

Don't you just love professors? They drop you from the summery heaven of food, fun and laughter into a dank, dingy black hole filled with stagnant water called reality in just 5 mins. Here is how mine achieved that.

10 am meeting Monday August 10th 2009

"Last date for submitting the thesis to the Dean is Nov 6th. So you have to defend by Oct. The committee needs atleast 3 weeks to read your thesis, which means you have to hand in the thesis to us by Oct 2nd week. You need to have all your data by the end of Sept, then you can start on the 1st draft and have everything ready by Oct 1st week. Just email me a list of all the sequences you have done so far, we can start the data analysis next week."

11 am priority check in the train

Skip cooking experiments - no way

Skip reading blogs - no way

Skip knitting/ crochet - hell no!

Skip looking after husband - want to, but can't

Skip doing laundry - would love to, but I've a limited number of undies

Skip thesis defense and get lynched by professor - gulp, no

Skip writing nonsensical posts - don't want to but I HAVE to

People, Masala Vade is closing shop till Nov. I will continue urinating in your blogs but will refrain from doing the same in my place. This will give your injured brains (in case any of you did sustain injuries reading my posts) a chance to recoup.

Till then, as Ina Garten says, "Don't have fun without me".

Ciao!

Jai Karnataka!

Dear Dr. Vatal Nagraj,

I was very happy to learn that you and other esteemed colleagues in the Kannada Gadi Horata Samiti have called for a bandh in Karnataka on August 9th. Unveiling Thiruvalluvar's statue is indeed a big offense. Tamil Nadu does not have statues of Karnataka poets so why should we allow the unveiling of a Tamil poet? I am not sure which dimwit high court judge dismissed your plea against the unveiling. These people do not understand that statues are the first step towards converting a state i.e., initially they will want to erect a statue, then they will request for all sign boards to be written in Tamil, their Nalli's and Kumaran stores will invade Karnataka and eventually Karnataka will turn into a mini Tamil Nadu. We have to take precautions to avoid all these nasty so called 'sister' states from invading our territory. In addition to the bandh I also have some other plans to save our Karnataka from being swallowed whole by other states. These include,

1) Ban Tamil, Hindi, Malayalam, Telugu and other non-Kannada movies from being screened in Karnataka. That way people from other states will be forced to learn Kannada if they wish to watch a movie. This will also teach those Imax theatre people a lesson for charging 150 Rps for a stupid Amir Khan Faana movie and just 80 Rps for a Shivrajkumar movie.

2) The medium of instruction in all schools and colleges must be changed from English to Kannada. This way we can protect our Kannada language from disappearing. This move will also prevent IISc from employing those pesky bespectacled Bengali babus in mass quantities. Who cares if they have degrees from IIT or BITS Pilani, if they can't speak and write Kannada they don't deserve to be in Karnataka.

3) All IT company employees must take the "Kannada Gotha?" (do you know Kannada) test. They should be employed only if they score 65% in the test. All conference calls and meetings should be done only in Kannada. Americans and other firangs need to step out of their English shoes and get into the Kannada chappali. One way this can be achieved is by rewriting all the computer codes like HTML, CAS etc. in Kannada, forcing everyone to learn Kannada.

4) I have noticed that the perpetually wet hair-coconut oil smelling Malayalis are invading our Karnaraka at an alarming rate. I am afraid that they will declare puttu- kadala as the official food of Karnataka. I suggest we build a 35 foot high wall between the Karnataka-Kerala border and open a small Shabarimala and Guruvayur in Nandi hills. This way we can prevent our devout Kannadigas from visiting that coconut oil state and the mallu kuttis from invading our Karnataka.

5) People from the land of gongura and pappulu podi have taken over our mess business. Every bachelor wants to visit the Andhra mess for lunch. We cannot be overtaken by these spice fanatics. We can dig a trench 30 foot deep and 45 foot wide between the Karnataka and Andhra border and fill it with our own precious Cauvery water. For recreational purposes boating and other water activities can be held at the site. This way we garner not only revenue but also let those Telangana people know who is the real boss.

6) We cannot build this water filled trench between Tamil Nadu and Karnataka, I am afraid those thieving thayir-sadams will install a pipe in the trench and siphon away our precious Cauvery water. We need to build iron gates as tall as the Great Wall of China and open them once a year during Deepavali. This will give the Tamilians residing in peaceful Karnataka a chance to visit T. nagar and Ranganathan street to horde silk sarees.

7) All things chaats and poori-bhaaji is due to those irritating Hindi speaking people who come to Karnataka via Bombay. We need to employ Tamilian and Telugu soldiers to man our Bombay (or whole of North India)- Karnataka borders. If terrorists plan to sneak into Karnataka, these soldiers will defend us. Through this move, we not only give people from other states a job (how generous of Karnataka) but also save our dashing Kannadiga men from being killed in an attack (how thoughtful of Karnataka). This will also prevent Udit Narayan from crossing the border and lending his God awful nasal voice and sickening pronunciation to Kannada film songs.

8) We must replace Jana Gana Mana with Jai Karnataka and make Kannada the official language. We need to have a separate prime minister (a Kannada speaking one at that) and president (again a shudh Kannadiga) for the state of Karnataka.

I know that I should have written this letter in our beloved Kannada, but I have many readers who come from these 'sister' states. They need to know what a great visionary you are and the steps we Kannadigas are willing to take to protect our beloved Karnataka. They need to know that we Kannadigas do not care about disrupting normal life for a statue, we are not bothered that we are a part of one country called India, we do not care about the success we achieve being united, we could care less about failed crops in other states because of us not sharing Cauvery water. Life is too short to be wasted on such petty things like sharing water or being united. If we have to make Karnataka the number one country, I mean state, we need to put our time, energy and money in note worthy causes like bandhs and strikes.

Dr. Nagraj, you are truly an inspiration to youths and Kannadigas like me. I pray to the great Kannada Maathe to give us more people just like you. On August 9th I will be there burning tires and stoning buses all in the name of Kannada.

Jai Karnataka!

Yours sincerely,

SJ

Why I need a bigger house, reason # 49:

Because not all projects are compact like this one,

Some do end up taking 3/4 of the living room space:

Huh? What? I am a show off? When did I ever deny that?!

Bread Banana Pudding

What do you do when you have bananas that are more black than yellow?

Bread that is more than a week old?

And a husband who when asked to buy coconut to make chutney brings home this,

Bread Banana Pudding of course!

Recipe source - Amma

Dry ingredients:

Bread (not the soft ones)- 10 slices

Banana- 3 cut into thin slices

Sweetened shredded coconut- 1 C (If unavailable just mix 1C shredded coconut, 1/2 C sugar and 3 Tb ghee)

Wet ingredients:

1 C milk

1tsp vanilla essence

5 Tbsp sugar

1)Preheat oven to 380F.

2) Mix all the wet ingredients and set aside.

3) Lay the bread slices on a 9 by 9 baking tray. Smear little ghee on the bread slices.

4) Add 1/2 C of the milk mixture on the bread slices.

5) Layer the banana slices on bread.

6) Add another layer of bread and sprinkle the milk mixture. Add the banana slices. Like so,

7) On the top most layer sprinkle the sweetened coconut.

8) Bake for 20-25 mins till the coconut flakes turn golden.

9) Let it rest for 10 mins before serving.

Notes:

1) Its best not to try this with soft bread. The ones in India are perfect for this. I used white bread and the lower most layer became sticky, next time I will try this with a baguette.

2) The quantities will vary due to variation in size of the bread and banana and also on how thin you slice the banana. Please adjust accordingly.

3) Tastes divine as is and even better with vanilla ice cream.

Sob!

I am what you would call, Jack of all trades king of none. I have tried my hand at everything possible. Why? Because you get only one life! When I was small I used to play in the mud all day long, unable to bear this my parents forcibly put me in a bharatnatyam class. I 'danced' for a week and absolutely hated it. The teacher was a nutjob who said I had to tap my feet so hard that the sound should reach my house (which was 3 roads away!). So I put my bestest puppy eyes (& few crocodile tears) went and pleaded with my dad to stop the dances classes. He did :D Then came Bengali song class, I learnt those for 8 months then the teacher moved away and I had to stop. My parents thought, 'meh Bengali or Carnatic its all music' and put me in a Carnatic music class. IT WAS THE WORST MUSIC CLASS EVER! The Bengali teacher was so much fun, we learnt all kind of folk songs and it was fun to sing a new language compare this to the lame 'sa re ga maa'. If I got bored of 'sa re ga maa' the lady made us (my sis and me) sing 'ga re sa maa' yuck! I think I tolerated that for a month, I couldn't take more of that!

Then came drawing class, an old man used to come home and teach me and my friends. This went on for 5 months then he moved to a different town and end of drawing. After this was swimming and badminton classes- oh such fun! When I started working it was yoga class, which I had to stop because I had to come to swargalok (read:USA courtesy Aparna ;) ) .

I used to watch a LOT of you-tube videos when I landed here, I remember watching Hariprasad Chaurasia and thinking, 'hmmm...flute'. I enrolled in a flute class. After a whole week of just blowing air I finally got the whee sound from the flute! Then came the notes, I thought it would just be A, B,G and C. Oh God how wrong I was! There was D, E, F,A sharp, B sharp, C sharp, G shrp, A flat B flat, C flat, high A, high B, high C, high D, high E, high F, high C, low D, low E, low F phew! 2 years and 3 months every Saturday from 10 to 10.30 am, just me, Mrs. Fisher (she is 60+) and our flutes making music (or she would be making music and me sound!). Last week she dropped the bomb "they are going to increase the fees", the new amount is way beyond my budget. I have decided to stop classes. Unlike the glee I felt in saying goodbye to the dance and carnatic music teacher I feel sick to my stomach to tell her goodbye. Maybe because we went beyond just notes and Morzart. We spoke about gardening, how to shovel snow (I live in a flat, no need to shovel snow, but still!), the weather (she would know when there would be a snow storm/thunder storm) her dogs, sofa sets (crazy I know!), cough drops :P !!

The flute is mine and I can still practice at home, but it is never going to be like playing with Mrs. Fisher :(

Goodbye Mrs. Fisher, I didn't turn out to be like Chaurasia but I will have things to say when someone talks about instrumental music.

so NOT funny!

In order to compensate (yeah compensate) for the loss of their still born baby, Kate and John decide to adopt a child *why why? you have 2 kids already! Get a dog or cat!* They are attracted to a little girl *who is sitting all by herself when the other kids are having a riot downstairs* who is busy painting *like not 9yr old painting ok? It looks like some Picassa painting*. This little girl, *more like little creep* Esther *or freako* is adopted by Kate and John *or crackpots of the century* and they take her home.

Soon, weird things start to happen and Kate suspects Esther *freako* is not as angelic as she looks *Kate, what was I yelling at you?*. The headmistress gets murdered *reason why headmistress should not interfere in matters outside school* and Esther *freako* enlists the help of her sister Max who is deaf & dumb *poor child is just a sweetheart* to dispose the body. When Max's brother, Daniel suspects something is wrong, Esther *freako* threatens to cut off his penis *promise this is what she said* if he told his parents anything.

Then Esther *freako* ______ Daniel and he gets admitted in the hospital. Not satisfied with that Esther *freako* _______, leading Kate to slap Esther *freako*. John being the prototype of stupid men does not listen to his wife *MEN LISTEN TO THE WOMEN! THEY ARE BORN WITH SOMETHING EXTRA OKAY???* and suspects there is nothing wrong with Esther *freako* and leaves Kate at the hospital and takes Esther *freako* and Max *sweetypie* home *John, you rotten egg, you are going to pay for this*.

Esther being the freako that she is, dresses up like a _______ and tries to _______ John *holy fck!* Meanwhile Kate gets a call from the orphanage that Esther *freako* is not a child but a ________ *yeah Kate you mega tubelight? Did your bulb light up now?!!* She rushes home to save Max and John. But, she finds John lying in a pool of _________ *John, John, John, I hate to do this to you but, "I told u so I told u so na..na..na..I told u so!" you male chauvinistic pig, in your next avatar listen to your woman ok?*. Esther *freako* is now in her true avatar and is going around the house with a _______ searching for Max. Kate manages to save Max in the end *I have purposefully left out details of how she saves Max*.

So I come out of the theatre after watching this movie (its called Orphan, in case any of you are interested) with a severe headache, because of improper breathing (read: forgot to breathe in many scenes, overdose of oxygen due to excessive gasping in other scenes). Had a realllly bad sleep that night because I kept imagining Esther coming out from underneath my bed with a jack hammer! I got to my lab the next morning and went upstairs to another room to get ice. I opened the door and had a near death experience, when I saw :

staring at me!!

Zulfi, is usually kept the far end of the room. I am guessing the cleaners smoked pot the previous day and in their semi-conscious state decided to make Zulfie the official lab receptionist. Zulfie is pretty ok, just few teeth missing,

But he did scare the shit out of me that day.