A movie review

Raavan- A cure for insomniacs

Actor : Character -- Role
Abhishek : Bheera--bandit
Aishwarya : Ragini--annoying wife of Vikram
Vikram : Droooooooll--police officer or SP or DGP or something droollll
Govinda : God knows--monkey left to roam free, due to human error


Story:

Vikram drooolll.... comes to capture Bheera. Instead, Bheera captures Ragini. Vikram with that let loose monkey and several other extras dressed in army outfits (really army to capture a bandit?) set out to bring back Ragini and to catch Bheera.


Scene 1: Interaction between Bheera and Ragini, part 1

Bheera- bak bak bak jhik jhik jhik

Ragini- screech I am not afraid of you..I am not afraid of death screeechhh…

Bheera- bak bak jhik jhik


Scene 2:

Vikram drool drip drip… comes to the place where Ragini was held captive. He sees her dress, drops on the ground.

Dream scene-

Ragini in ultra short blouse and low waist saree calls herself a classical dancer, teaches dance to 50 kids in her cramped 1 bedroom flat.

Ragini- jatak matak ooo look at my tiny waist jatak and my smooth skin matak matak…I can’t act but who cares.

Vikram – my dear Raginiiiii…boohoooo….

End of dream scene


Scene 3: Interaction between Bheera and Ragini, part 2

Bheera- bak bak bak jhik jhik jhik

Ragini- screechhhhhhhhhhhhhhh …arches eyebrows, fake tears..screechhhh… Thank god for water-proof eyeliners screechhh.....


Scene 4: Bheera and Vikram clash on a bridge

Vikram- ohh look at my muscles, they look so good in this ultra tight Roopa baniyan. Dishumm dishum

Bheera- Saalee… dishum

London Bridge is falling down, falling down, both of them too.


Scene 5: Who gets Ragini?

Bheera emerges.

Bheera- I am donating you to that guy. Have fun.

Bheera disappears.

Vikram emerges.

Vikram- Awesome baniyan material, I fell 30 ft not a hole in the cloth. Must get some more.

Vikram- Ragini, I can see that you are ok. Where is Bheera? Dammit I missed him. Next time.

Ragini- Bats eyelids..fake tears. Haila! my heroooo…


Scene 6: Agni..something

Vikram- You must have done some hanky-panky with Bheera no? You were with him for 14 days and 14 NIGHTS.

Ragini- What rubbish. Who told you so?

Vikram- Bheera only. If you are really telling the truth take a polygraph test. (I SWEAR this is what he tells her).

Ragini- What?! Arches eyebrows, bats eyelids…Noooo…

Vikram- Stop your eye exercise, you are making me nauseas.

Ragini- Gasp! How rude!

Pulls the red lever meant to stop a train during emergency.

Vikram- Who is going to pay the fine for pulling that lever? Your maama?


Scene 7: Ragini confronts Bheera

Ragini- What did you tell my pati?

Bheera- That you are even more shiny and pure than 24ct gold.

Ragini- Pupils dialate. Reaaallyyyyy??? How shweettt…. Vikram didn’t believe me, he said things. Things that I cannot tell you in public. Fake tears….

Bheera- Really? Will you stay with me?

Ragini- Arches eyebrows, bats eyelids…giggle

Bheera- I love what you do with your eyes

Ragini- arches eyebrows, bats eyelids…giggle

Bheera- Waiiiiiiitttttt a minitteee… Does he know you are here? He has used you as a bait to locate me.

Ragini- Chee don’t be silly. If he had that much budhi, he would have caught you long ago.


Scene 8: Last scene THANK GOD.

Tan tan tanadannnnaaaannnnnnnnnnn…

Vikram comes with the entire Indian army and all the Alsatian dogs in Bangalore.

Vikram- Hasta la vista Bheera..

Ragini- Noooo… eess koo maath maarooo….

Vikram- Ragini, come I will get you the Cover girl lash blast mascara, come here.

Ragini- sachi muchi? Ok.

Doom doom doom…

Bheera- ahhhh….

Dudhak. RIP.


The End.

Rating- 2/10 (2 is only for Vikram). Mani Ratnam please take VRS.

PS1- This piece is dedicated to my friend K who is struggling in Basel without entertainment.

PS2- I am sorry this space was ignored for so many months. I am occupied with other things right now and this space shall be dusted occasionally.

PS3- Its not good to take such long breaks. It took me so long to write this crap review, you guys better leave a nice comment, if you are leaving one.

PS 4- To that nut job who is leaving me a comment in Chinese or Japanese or Korean for the Dorie Greenspan post, stop it. I get it that you like the cookie but you don’t have to leave a comment every week!!

Dorie Greenspan's Sables

Early last week I received a parcel from my friend Shalini. I knew I was getting something interesting (I was secretly praying for cookies :P) Guess what I got?

WOOHOO!!! If you are on my Orkut friend list you will know of my mental obsession with this book! So anyway I decided to bake something (Hallelujah!) and settled on this,

Sables/Shortbread cookies:

Ingredients:

2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature

1/2 C sugar

1/4 C powdered sugar, sifted

1/2 tsp salt

2 large egg yolks, at room temperature

2 C all purpose flour

Coarse sugar for decorating

1) Using a hand/stand mixer beat the butter till smooth and very creamy. Add the sugars and beat until well blended, about 1 minute. The mixture should be smooth and velvety, not fluffy and airy.

2) Reduce mixer speed to low and beat in the egg yolks, again beating till the mixture is homogenous.

3) Add the flour and mix using a spatula, until the dough looks uniformly moist. The dough will not clean the sides of the bowl nor will it come together in a ball. You want to work the dough AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.

4) Divide the dough in half and shape each piece into a smooth log about 9 inches long.

5) Wrap the logs well and refrigerate them for at least 3 hours (or overnight).

6) Preheat the oven to 350F. Line the baking sheets with parchment paper.

7) Remove the log of dough from the refrigerator, unwrap it and place it on a parchment paper. Brush some yolk all over the sides of the dough- this is the glue0 then sprinkle the entire surface of the log with coarse sugar.

8) Slice the log into 1/3 - 1/2 inch thick cookies ( no thinner than 1/4 inch). Place the round on the baking sheets.

9) Bake foe 17-20 mins. When properly baked the cookies will be light brown on the bottom, lightly golden around the edges and pale on top. Remove from the oven and let it rest a minute before carefully lifting them onto a rack to cool to room temperature.

Dorie says, "..the cookie is both crumbly and melt-in-the-mouth tender; and it has an anytime rightness that makes it perfect with atall glass of milk, a bowl of ice cream or a basket of berries..." What she doesn't say is that they are highly addictive, you just cannot stop at one.

Shalini, thanks much for the book and I hope D and you enjoy the cookies as much we did!

Winter blues

I have no mood

...to read, the books I got from the library are just rotting away in the plastic bag.

...to take pictures. The camera, lenses and tripod are packed away in the closet.

...to bake. The brand new Kitchen-Aid mixer that J got for me as an anniversary gift is still in the box. I don't even know the colour of the mixer, sad.

...to cook anything new.

...to even check out the scrap booking software J bought for me during Thanksgiving. And I love scarp booking. sigh.

...to knit/crochet. Its been more than 2 months since I touched the yarn and needles.

...to watch TV. I have not watched Ina Garten or Alton Brown for God knows how long.

...to blog. I started this post on Monday sigh.

Why? I suffer from SAD. I despise winter, to me its the worst season ever. It is perpetually cold, it gets dark early, everyone is covered from head to toe in heavy coats, its all white and gloomy, there is just no colour or life in winter ugh! And I don't even want to talk about snow *puke*

Summer where art thou?

PS- if you are a winter lover and want to try to make me fall in love with winter. Save it. It is not going to work.

I feel...

like eating mysore pak. Not the hard-healthy-no ghee (less ghee)-less sugar-saccharin one. The soft, real sugar (sucrose) laden, ghee dripping (ok not dripping, but you get the point), the melt-in-the-mouth kind. Anandha Bhavan in Chennai used to have awesome mysore paks. Me wants :( very badly. What do you want badly? (cars, XBOX, Wii, new wife/husband, good grades, Hawaii vacation etc. not accepted, only food items).