Thursday, July 30, 2009

so NOT funny!

In order to compensate (yeah compensate) for the loss of their still born baby, Kate and John decide to adopt a child *why why? you have 2 kids already! Get a dog or cat!* They are attracted to a little girl *who is sitting all by herself when the other kids are having a riot downstairs* who is busy painting *like not 9yr old painting ok? It looks like some Picassa painting*. This little girl, *more like little creep* Esther *or freako* is adopted by Kate and John *or crackpots of the century* and they take her home.

Soon, weird things start to happen and Kate suspects Esther *freako* is not as angelic as she looks *Kate, what was I yelling at you?*. The headmistress gets murdered *reason why headmistress should not interfere in matters outside school* and Esther *freako* enlists the help of her sister Max who is deaf & dumb *poor child is just a sweetheart* to dispose the body. When Max's brother, Daniel suspects something is wrong, Esther *freako* threatens to cut off his penis *promise this is what she said* if he told his parents anything.

Then Esther *freako* ______ Daniel and he gets admitted in the hospital. Not satisfied with that Esther *freako* _______, leading Kate to slap Esther *freako*. John being the prototype of stupid men does not listen to his wife *MEN LISTEN TO THE WOMEN! THEY ARE BORN WITH SOMETHING EXTRA OKAY???* and suspects there is nothing wrong with Esther *freako* and leaves Kate at the hospital and takes Esther *freako* and Max *sweetypie* home *John, you rotten egg, you are going to pay for this*.

Esther being the freako that she is, dresses up like a _______ and tries to _______ John *holy fck!* Meanwhile Kate gets a call from the orphanage that Esther *freako* is not a child but a ________ *yeah Kate you mega tubelight? Did your bulb light up now?!!* She rushes home to save Max and John. But, she finds John lying in a pool of _________ *John, John, John, I hate to do this to you but, "I told u so I told u so told u so!" you male chauvinistic pig, in your next avatar listen to your woman ok?*. Esther *freako* is now in her true avatar and is going around the house with a _______ searching for Max. Kate manages to save Max in the end *I have purposefully left out details of how she saves Max*.

So I come out of the theatre after watching this movie (its called Orphan, in case any of you are interested) with a severe headache, because of improper breathing (read: forgot to breathe in many scenes, overdose of oxygen due to excessive gasping in other scenes). Had a realllly bad sleep that night because I kept imagining Esther coming out from underneath my bed with a jack hammer! I got to my lab the next morning and went upstairs to another room to get ice. I opened the door and had a near death experience, when I saw :


staring at me!!

Zulfi, is usually kept the far end of the room. I am guessing the cleaners smoked pot the previous day and in their semi-conscious state decided to make Zulfie the official lab receptionist. Zulfie is pretty ok, just few teeth missing,


But he did scare the shit out of me that day.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Whole wheat pancakes

My previous pancakes were a hit (at least with Nandini). Well, I can't take any credit for it because, it's my guruji Alton Brown's recipe. If you liked that one you will love this one. I usually don't use whole wheat for baking- if you are using 3 eggs, 2 sticks of butter, butter to grease the pan, might as well use APF :P

This was my first time trying pancakes with whole wheat (only because guruji used it). It was better than the APF pancakes.


Whole wheat pancakes: From Alton Brown's, I am just here for more food.
Dry ingredients-
1C whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3 Tbsp sugar
Wet ingredients-
1 egg
1 cup milk (or buttermilk at room temperature)
2 Tbsp melted butter

1) Mix the dry ingredients.
2) Whisk the wet ingredients.
3) Add the wet ingredients to the dry one. Do not over mix.
4) Set aside for 10 mins.
5) Smear butter on a hot girdle and pour a ladle of a batter. Flip once you see bubbles and the bottom is golden.
6) Cook till second side is golden.


No people, those are not bullet wounds.
And since many of said you like the pictures, one more:


Nandu, I hope this is your breakfast/lunch/dinner today ;)

UPDATE: For all those people who asked me if egg can be omitted, I honestly don't know! But my favoritest vegan blog has an eggless recipe for pancakes (she in fact has 2) Vegan Yum Yum.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mid-term exam

Name: SJ
Date: 07/23/09
Course name: AIO900: Topics in common sense and nonsense

Watch the video below and follow the instructions given-

Instructions: This exam is worth 150 points toward your grade for the course. For each question, write a 20=30 word short answer in response. Please type your responses. You will be graded on your understanding of the issue(s) related to each question, your ability to draw on examples, as well the articulation of your own conclusions and reasoning on these issues. Remember that your argument will be more important than the specific answer or stance you take on an issue.
However, all responses must be written in your own words. Plagiarism will not be tolerated. If you specifically mention the ideas or experimental results of others, they should be cited. (Please use “(Author, Year)” format in the text.)

1) Would you prance around town in that saree-bra-blouse-dupatta whatever that she is wearing? because my tummy looks like an anaconda that has swallowed a bison whole. I don't want to give anyone on the road a heart attack.

2) Will you give directions to a strange helmet man?
No, the helmet man might be Osama bin laden in disguise. I don't want antharax all over me, no thank you. Tomato ketchup/chutney/cake frosting/frooti/ice cream etc are all ok, but not antharax.

3) Will you accept pink teddy bears from the strange helmet man?
Of course, I will. I live, breathe and eat free. I would collect as much of those as I can and sell them.

4) Are you wiling to run from one end of the road to the other for no reason?
Unless I have my mom chasing me for not doing my homework or Jay running behind me with an axe because I burned the house down during one of my cooking experiments, I don't run. So no, I won't run, maybe catwalk?

5) What would you do if you find out the helmet guy is John Abraham?
Take him to a five star restaurant, gorge on the food and make him foot the bill. Then take him to a secluded place and hurt him for dating Bipasha and finally give him a haircut and a shave.

6) What if Pankaj Udas was nearby?
I would get his autograph, then photograph and beg him to give his belt and coat. Then put all these on e-bay.

7) Your reaction when you saw, 'Marry me..huh?'
No bling, no chocolates, no house, no car, 1 useless bike where I am supposed to put the grocery and the kids? On my head?

I hope I get full marks on this exam, pray for me guys.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

ms. ramya u.s.a

Meera stood at the bus stop waiting for 60B. She usually got off from work by 7pm, today she had been delayed by her boss, Meera, I need the presentation within the next hour he had said. Sunil usually came to pick her up on such days. But this week he was in Cochin on a business tour and she knew she had to finish this presentation and be at the bus stop by 8pm to catch the 9pm bus.

The bus stop looked so different at night, during the day it seemed like a small country teeming with life; hordes of people from all walks of life jostling with each other to get into the bus and grab a seat, now it looked like a desert. Meera saw that there were hardly any ladies at the stop, well, atleast I don't have to jostle to get in or fight for seats. A loud noise made Meera turn around, she saw 4 men throwing Limca bottles on the ground, they were laughing loudly and obviously looked like they were having a good time. Must be drunk, why don't they go some place else? Oh God, where is that bus?

As the bus roared to a start, the smell of diesel hit her nostrils. She inhaled it with eyes closed and slight smile on her lips, she was one of the few people who liked petrol-diesel smell. Meera noticed that she was the only woman in the bus, she also saw that the drunk men were with her in the bus. She pulled her bag close to her chest and waited for her stop. Suddenly, she felt someone tug at the sari, she saw that one of those men was sitting behind her and leering at her. She clutched her pallu tightly and ignored the man. Soon, three men surrounded her and started passing lewd remarks. Just two more stops thought Meera and I will be home. Then they started touching her; they pulled her cheeks and pinched her thighs. Meera had had enough don't you have a sister or mother at home? Have you no shame? Do you want me to call the police? What do yo... she stopped abruptly when she saw one man in the group brandish a knife. Oh God somebody please help me she screamed, begging the other passengers for help. None of them moved, it was as if someone had cast a spell on them and turned them into stone. When the bus driver finally mustered courage, the damage was already done. Meera was stabbed twice in the shoulder and the men had escaped with her purse and whatever jewelry they could grab from her. Meera is now making a slow recovery at GM hospital. The physical wounds may heal but will the emotional scars go away?

This report is fine, now go find out what others have to say about this incident, my editor barked at me. The best place to start would be her neighbours I thought. Aaahh Meera I saw her on that morning when she left home, she was wearing a sleeveless blouse. In my opinion, men are lecherous, and we as women should dress appropriately and not give these men any opportunities to take advantage of us. If she had dressed properly this would have never happened said Kalyani who lived next to Meera's. Who asked her to take a bus at that hour? She could have paid extra and taken an auto. She has only herself to blame for this said Prakash the man who owned a coffee shop near the bus stop.

I always thought freedom meant having the right to live life as one wishes. Has India and it citizens really gained independence?

This post's title is inspired by a ms. ramya u.s.a who wrote in her comment (in the Delhi article):
ramya,usa,says:These incidents happen everywhere. Let girls and women dress in decent manner which will not attract men who are in sexual need. These days women wear anything which was used to cover only head or handkeys... Girls and women why do you bother men and put yourself in trouble. It is certain this will happen again somewhere sometime.
[23 Jun, 2009 0341hrs IST]

and to Haris who wrote:
Haris,Delhi,says:She was going from Seelampur to Shahdra at 8pm? WHy couldnt she take Delji Metro? So uch safer and convenient, for two more rupees. Its inexplicable!
[23 Jun, 2009 0302hrs IST]

Monday, July 20, 2009

Once upon a time...

cute little girl: Neen meen yellam sapidvya? (do you eat fish and all?)
maid: aama maa.. (yes)
cute little girl: koli? (chicken)
maid: aama(yes)
cute little girl: maadu? (cow)
maid: aama sapudvom (yes we eat)
cute little girl: aioo cow-oda kombu unoda vayathe kuthada? (oh no! won't the cow's horn poke your stomach?)
maid: !!! prizes for guessing who that cute little girl was.

PS- This post was done because my brain is on strike; refuses to think funny. Any remedies?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A poem not cool
A poem by SJ

She is ready thought my parents to be sent to school,
But but...I am only four.
Nasty boys stole my eraser,
So, I hurt them with my razor.
They showed their stinky teeth,
inturn I spat on their homework sheet. not cool.

The Math, History and Chemistry,
have always been such a mystery,
And getting a zero only increased my sorrow. not cool.

School is such a big bore thought I,
okay then, lets all go to Singapore said Dad.
With a 100 watt smile, I said Good riddance school,
my parents are super cool!
Oh! how wrong I was; they put me in a hell-hole called Keppel school,
I felt like hitting my head with a Bata chappal, it was so uncool. not cool.

Then came BSc in St. Josephs',
life was definitely not a bed of roses.
I met Mrinalini and Hemamalini,
but my best friend was only Shalini.
I was so sore after my BSc,
but still went to Mysore for my Msc. not cool.

Stinky toilets and a kleptomaniac roomie,
hostel life was certainly not comfy.
Sago payasam very nice, said the hostel cook,
Bhago jaldi, said the other girls this is total yuck. not cool.

A life partner should save me from this torture,
Amma find me a husband with Hugh Grant's feature,
anyone but a teacher.
She found this guy, Jay who was a manager.
Oh honey, let us just be gay said I,
Sorry babes, your school starts in May said he. not cool.

I can't work you see, I am an H4 said my application,
Not to worry missy, you get total tuition remission said Dr. C.
I longed for Rekha and Ranjani,
but got only Karen and Bethany. not cool.

Can I graduate this summer and have a ball, Dr. C?
Sorry for the bummer but you have to wait till fall, you see. not cool

Even with all this school, I am still pathetic,
sitting at home Aparna is exceptionally poetic. not cool.

Those of who think SJ should never attempt poetry and should get herself admitted in an asylum,watch this video.

If you are still alive leave a comment!!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Do you cry?

When I was in my 8th standard I remember my friend telling me how her mom had tears in her eyes and goose bumps all over when she was watching the movie 'Roja', especially the scene where the villain sets the Indian flag on fire and Arvind Swamy tries to extinguish it using his own body and his over sized red sweater. "What rot! Its just a movie people!!" I remember saying to myself. Another day, there was some Nagin- type movie on TV and our maid who was chatting with my mom suddenly fell in front of the TV and did sashtanga namaskaram, saying "devare kapadu nanna" (God please save me) (Nagin and God? I don't get it *scratch head*). I almost had a mini-heart attack when I saw her reverence to that gaudily dressed Nagin (whose tongue seemed to have a life of its own)!

Then yesterday, we were watching 'Marley and me', its a story about a couple who get a horribly unruly puppy and as years go by, they have 3 kids, 1 miscarriage, petty fights, job change, house change, state change and the puppy also grows into this huge dog. Then the dog has to be put to sleep because of a twisted stomach and the hero tells the dog even though he chewed up his sofa, swallowed his answering machine, ate his phone, ripped the carpet and floor, tore the blinds and made the house look like it was burgled he still was the best dog ever.

"Aiioooo entha peetil" (oh no! what a blade) said J
"Hmmm..." said I, trying so very hard not to cry. But when the dog closed his eyes slowly, Ganga, Yamuna and Saraswati came flooding. J didn't believe I was crying, he made sure the river flowing from my eyes was salty and indeed tears before proceeding to console me. Now if your thinking I have gone soft in the head, think again. I didn't shed a tear when my fishes died. I felt extremely sad, but no matter how hard I squeezed my eyes, I couldn't produce even 1 tear! Well, obviously there is a lot of difference between a dog (super cute, does tricks, knows your feelings, plays with you, always there for you) and a fish (super dumb, swim, eat, poop) but still...oh I don't know!

Anyway, lesson learnt: Never watch a dog movie in which the dog dies or get hurts.
So do you cry when you watch movies?
Oh c'mon tell me the truth I won't tell anyone, Taliban-promise.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Soba noodles in peanut butter sauce

The minute I saw this recipe in Nags blog, I knew it had to be tweaked into something Thai-ish and delish (note the clever use of rhyming words here).

You need:
1) Peanut butter sauce:
3 Tbsp peanut butter
3 Tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp ginger paste
2 Tbsp oil
1/2 tsp sugar
1/2-1 tsp red chilli powder
1/3 C orange juice (trust me on this one)

2) 1/2 block extra firm tofu: cubed and shallow fried

3) 150 gms Soba noodles (or any other noodle you fancy): cooked al dente (10mins will be perfect)

4) Garlic, Zucchini, carrot, bell peppers, baby corn, cabbage, broccoli (basically vegetables that are in your fridge, in a comatose condition): Cubed and stir fried till cooked but still crunchy.

And now when you mix this,


with this,


and that,


and finally this,


You will get this,


Slurp nosily and make sure your bowl looks like this in the end,


Don't forget to run an extra mile to burn off all that calories. Or if you are like me just dump that weighing machine in the fish tank.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Do you want to be a queen?

All that H4/homemaker post got me thinking, how did an Indian/Egyptian queen pass her time? I think like this:

9am: wake up
9.30am: drink herbal tea in a gold cup served by a maiden and eat hot fluffy poori with spicy chole
10am: dip into a marble king-sized tub, filled with lukewarm water, rose petals and rose essence.
10.30am: allow 5 fair maidens to scrub back and give a sponge bath
11am: allow a muscular hunk to give a foot massage
11.30 to 12.30pm: choose a dress
12.30pm: allow the fair maidens to fit you in that dress and apply gaudy make up. All this while giggling mindlessly
1.15pm: show off the gaudy make up to your king. Well, it's more of a fight because the queen has to fight with his other 5 queens who all want to show off their gaudy make-ups.
1.45pm: lunch of chicken tikka masala, dal chawal ,roti, kheer, pickles, curds, paneer makhani, tandoori gobi, garlic naan, maggi noodles.
2.30pm: try very hard to take a nap because it's just too hot. There is no fan/AC and those maidens who fan using those useless feathers are just hopeless (plus you can't increase their speed).
3 pm: drink herbal tea and do useless chit chat with the other queens and concubines. Show off the latest fashion accessories.
4pm : get ready to attend the king's 6th wedding
5pm : pretend to be happy seeing the king's 6th wife
6pm-7pm: gather around with the other 5 wives and bitch about the 6th wife. Pray that she never bears a son.
7pm: enjoy or atleast pretend to enjoy a bull-fight
8pm: dinner time, again vie with the other wives to get the king's attention (very slim chance as today he has eyes only for the 6th one). Enjoy the fried rice, rajma, bhaingan bhaja, masala vadas, bisibelabath, holige, chom-chom, ragullas, luchi, alu dom, panner tikkas, kadai paneer, rose milk, vanilla ice cream with fruit salad etc etc...
9pm : play cards with the bimbo sahelis. Yell at the lady to fan harder.
10 pm: pray hard that the king chooses to visit your room tonight and pray harder that you bear him a son.

Do I want to be a queen? Hmm...except for that foot massage, bath and food being a queen sucks big time. So I shall pass. What about you?

Ok, I lied. The inspiration for this post was this song,

Thursday, July 9, 2009

H4 saga: Part 2a: What you say?

"How can you say Amaerikka is boring??? Your appa and I watched that movie "Amaerikka Amaerikka" only last week. So many cars, such tall buildings, all those fair girls with yellow hair you should be so happy to be there..." amma's gyan

"Just try to adjust it will become ok after a few days" appa's logic

"All you young girls have got one word, "bore" everything is 'bore". We never complained about anything. Have a baby then you won't be bored anymore. When I was your age I had 4 kids and..." ajji's rubbish

"How I can make them understand? Compare maybe?" thinks Rani and does just that.

1) Meeting friends:
India- Call them up, fix up a time & venue and meet up.
US- If you are lucky you might have friends here. If you do, then you must be doubly lucky to have them living in your state. If you want to meet them, you MUST know how to drive. There are no autos or buses that ferry you. Or you can wait for your husband to take you (which means you cannot bitch about him- what's the use?)

2) Grocery shopping:
I- Walk to the market or wait for the vegetable vendor to make his morning rounds.
U- If you are lucky you might have a grocery store within walking distance. If not, you have to wait for your husband to come home and take you because you cannot drive.

3) Learning to drive:
I- Go get into a school do the lessons, take driving lessons, then the road test.
U- If you are lucky and have a social security number (SSN) and the people at the DMV office don't make your life a living hell, then you can take the learners' permit test, then go through the alcohol and drug classes, 101 tests, learn that wretched parallel parking and finally pass the road test.

4) Calling home:
I- Pick up the phone and dial.
U- First google the time in India. If you feel your relatives are not in zombie state call them.

5) Studying:
I- Put in an application for a course, pay the fees and go do the course.
U- Clear GRE and TOEFL write a mind blowing SOP, apply to 10 schools hoping to get into 1 of them. If you are lucky you will get in. Next pray that they give you aid, if not a complete aid at least in-state tuition.

6) Weddings, funerals, baby shower, baby-being-put-in-a-cradle ceremony, naming ceremony, thread ceremony, birthdays, Ganesh chathurthi, Diwali, Holi and all other festivals and poojas:
I- family, fun and food.
U- If you are lucky you might get some desi friends to celebrate birthdays and festivals with you. For the other events that happen exclusively in India like weddings and funerals, you can either pay 1200$ and fly there or sit whining/crying here.

"Hello A? Remember, last week you were telling me how our honeymoon was so short and that we should go some place exotic for a 2nd honeymoon?"
"Oh yes, dahling. Plan something I will look at it when I get back from work."

Google: Cheap tickets to India.

I had no intention of doing this post. But a few people(who read my previous post) felt that homemakers in India are sailing in the same boat as people with H4 visa, I don't think so. Then J read this post and felt I was not the right person to make a comparison because,
a) I am biased, this is true I hate H4 visa.
b) I have never been a homemaker. This is true as well, I was working full time in India and I stayed at home for just 4 months in the US before I started grad school.

So dear readers, what you say?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

H4 saga: Part 2-The initial days

Warning: Due to popular demand I had to continue this series. After reading it, if you lose your screws or are affected mentally in any way I am not to blame.

1 bowl of Quaker oats and a cup of coffee, Mr. A is off to make money, "Don't worry dahling, this is a very safe area. Just make sure you don't talk to anyone or make eye contact, don't pet the cats/dogs, don't go near those jurassic-park sized squirrels. I think you will be fine"
tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc...
only 9 am hmm...
tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc...
just 9.07 am ? Damn.
Gmail, Orkut, Facebook, MySpace
9.20 am Fck!
Orkut, orkut, Gmail.
Google " pirated Hindi movies"
9. 45 am arghhh!!!
Orkut, Facebook, Gmail, Orkut.
Google "Yahoo games"
10 am
"I am so bored. When are you coming home?"
"Dahling I just got here. I have a meeting now, later ok?"
10.30 am
Orkut, Facebook, Gmail, Orkut, Facebook
tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc....
Orkut , Facebook
Google "how to make tomato rasam"
2 smashed tomatoes, one tamarind-paste smeared counter, one dal splattered wall and 1 cooker facial later, tomato rasam ready.
1 pm
"when are you coming home? I made rasam and all. Come soon"
"Meeting, meeting... later"
1.30 pm
orkut, orkut, facebook yawwwwnnn... ZZZzzzzzzz....
3 pm
3.30 pm
Orkut, Gmail, Facebook, Gmail
4 pm
Yahoo games
5 pm
"I want to go back to INDIA wahhh wahh wahhhhhhhhhh.... sniff sniff snort snort...I hate this place, I don't want to stay here anymore, sniff, sob, I am packing my suitcase, I hate this H4 visa, I hate everyone, I should not have married you sniff, I am going back home, sob, sob,sniff..."
850 ml tears
"Dahling, I am leaving right now. There, there everything will be alright. I will be home any minute now"
6 pm
2 hugs, 1 snot and tear covered Raymond shirt, 1 red-nosed Rani; teary but happy *I should have used this Meena Kumari act at 10 am!*

Monday, July 6, 2009

Aftermath of guests

Roaming in the sun

Then the inevitable "goodbye"

Invisible presence of them everywhere: stuffed toys strewn all over and their faint scent on the pillow and sheets.
And the thing I do without fail after guests leave : cry.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

One stone two mangoes

1) 1st mango:
Photo Friday : Debris


2) 2nd mango:
My nonsensical post which you guys like to read :P

My usual weekend routine is something like this-

9 am get up, do all the loo activities
10 am go back to sleep
10.30 am prepare breakfast or eat out
11.30 am sit with a book
Noon fall asleep reading the book
2 pm get up, make some sub-standard lunch
3 pm go to the movies/ play badminton/ go for a swim
6 pm knit or read a book
7 to 7.20 pm study or atleast pretend to study
7.20 pm make dinner or eat out
9 pm sweet dreams

We have a long weekend this time (July 4th US of A's independence day) normally it would be the above routine times 3. But, BUT this time around it's different!!
Why? Because someone is coming home la la la la la la laaaa...
Who? She la la la la la laaa...
FYI, I haven't met her or spoken to her. We have been blog/Gmail/Gtalk friends for maybe 2 months now. I think the reason we clicked was because, both of us lack a few important screws and have husbands who have extra screws!! I usually get close to people who are total nut cases and she is one mega nut...I am SO excited to have her here!! YAAAYYY!!!

Idli, dose, vada batter is ready (she requested idli, dosa)
Small prayer to Ganeshji to make the idli fluffy, dose crispy and vada crunchy done
Vegan cake (her hubby is allergic to eggs) baked
Sheets changed
House vacuumed
1 week old dried sambar globs in the microwave removed
Unsightly stains and hair in the bathrooms removed
Random paper and other rubbish hidden under the bed
Uber colourful bookmark for her, knitted


Control excitement and pin ass to one place can't do!

Have a lovely weekend everyone! I know, for a change, I will!
La la la la la laaaaa.......

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I have been tagged...groan!!!

Tag, just not very fond of that word. Tag is a word that is attached to all things unpleasant (according to me), like you know- price tag, tag with my husband to the electronic store (and look at brain numbing wires and circuits blegh!), the game Tag (in which I always lose, sob!), skin tag, tag team (wrestlers, now who would want to watch two naked mass of muscles smeared in oil fighting?! yuck!) and the blog tag (because I have to rack my brains to write something funny. Well its not compulsory to be funny but I like to be funny - whatever that means!)

Anyway, I am doing this tag only because (listen carefully people) only because Aparna (she tagged me) has promised to give me writing lessons for free!! Hallelujah!!!!
So 7 things that annoy me (I can't bother to distinguish between annoying behaviours and annoying people so it's a jumbed mix):

1) My husband J who just simply cannot chop vegetables without ensuring that the chopped pieces are all 1' by 1' pieces with pointy ends. Arghhh just cut it already, anyways it's going into the pressure cooker to become mush!

2) I can study only in pin-drop silence, any small noise bugs the hell out of me. I hate, HATE it when people sit next to me in the library and drink something. The suuuuurrrrp... followed by gulp sound is like someone drilling a hole in my brain. I usually end up moving somewhere else. No, don't even ask how I feel when they eat chips.

3) People who drip sarcasm all over and think that its overly funny. They definitely need therapy.

4) Guests who treat my house as theirs and radiate their infinite wisdom. For example, one lady opened my freezer:
"oohh, I see you have frozen the blueberries and what is this Dal? You freeze cooked dal?"
"yeah, it makes my life simpler. I just thaw the dal and can whip up a rasam or sambar in 5 mins"
"But how long is it going to take to cook dal in a pressure cooker? 5 mins no? Freezing foods is not good. The food loses its taste yada yada ...."'s my house, my freezer and my dal, I can do whatever I want!!

5) Narrow minded brahmins who eat eggs in the 'hidden form' like cakes and biscuits but make a fuss when they see me eating omlettes or when I say I hate eggless cakes. Like, I just don't get that!

6) My professor's know-it-all attitude (especially about India and other developing countries)
"So how much does it cost to deliver a baby in India?'
"When I deliver a kid, I will let you know"
"No, I mean is it around 50,000 bucks?"
"Bucks is what, dollars or rupees?"
"Oh, dollars"
me feeling faint
"That's like 2,500,000 rupees!!! I am certain it's not so much"
"Hmm...maybe you guys don't have as much prenatal care as we do"
me fainted

7) Periods. Yes, periods bug the hell out of me. The stomach cramps, the bloated feeling, the irritation, the disgust, the back-ache and everything else associated with Mother Nature's gift to womenkind. I am in a very good mind to get myself pregnant.

So my bakras who have to do this tag are (drumroll please) in alphabetical order:
1. Nags - because I like her and I read somewhere that she loves doing tags.
2. Nandu- because I like her, she hasn't done a post in a while and definitely needs a break from that Barrons' guide.
3. Rush - because I like her, she tolerates my nonsensical comments eveytime and I want to see if she can do this tag poetically :P
Last person, yeah you guessed it,
4. Sakshi - woman you need to post something. Do this please. Will knit you a sweater. And yes, I like you (sigh!).
So Aparna when we can start the writing lessons?

Added after reading your comments: If you really, rrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally like me do the tag. If not sigh.. I might have to sing "Mera jeevan kora kagaz..."