Monday, June 21, 2010

A movie review

Raavan- A cure for insomniacs


Actor : Character -- Role
Abhishek : Bheera--bandit
Aishwarya : Ragini--annoying wife of Vikram
Vikram : Droooooooll--police officer or SP or DGP or something droollll
Govinda : God knows--monkey left to roam free, due to human error


Story:

Vikram drooolll.... comes to capture Bheera. Instead, Bheera captures Ragini. Vikram with that let loose monkey and several other extras dressed in army outfits (really army to capture a bandit?) set out to bring back Ragini and to catch Bheera.


Scene 1: Interaction between Bheera and Ragini, part 1

Bheera- bak bak bak jhik jhik jhik

Ragini- screech I am not afraid of you..I am not afraid of death screeechhh…

Bheera- bak bak jhik jhik


Scene 2:

Vikram drool drip drip… comes to the place where Ragini was held captive. He sees her dress, drops on the ground.

Dream scene-

Ragini in ultra short blouse and low waist saree calls herself a classical dancer, teaches dance to 50 kids in her cramped 1 bedroom flat.

Ragini- jatak matak ooo look at my tiny waist jatak and my smooth skin matak matak…I can’t act but who cares.

Vikram – my dear Raginiiiii…boohoooo….

End of dream scene


Scene 3: Interaction between Bheera and Ragini, part 2

Bheera- bak bak bak jhik jhik jhik

Ragini- screechhhhhhhhhhhhhhh …arches eyebrows, fake tears..screechhhh… Thank god for water-proof eyeliners screechhh.....


Scene 4: Bheera and Vikram clash on a bridge

Vikram- ohh look at my muscles, they look so good in this ultra tight Roopa baniyan. Dishumm dishum

Bheera- Saalee… dishum

London Bridge is falling down, falling down, both of them too.


Scene 5: Who gets Ragini?

Bheera emerges.

Bheera- I am donating you to that guy. Have fun.

Bheera disappears.

Vikram emerges.

Vikram- Awesome baniyan material, I fell 30 ft not a hole in the cloth. Must get some more.

Vikram- Ragini, I can see that you are ok. Where is Bheera? Dammit I missed him. Next time.

Ragini- Bats eyelids..fake tears. Haila! my heroooo…


Scene 6: Agni..something

Vikram- You must have done some hanky-panky with Bheera no? You were with him for 14 days and 14 NIGHTS.

Ragini- What rubbish. Who told you so?

Vikram- Bheera only. If you are really telling the truth take a polygraph test. (I SWEAR this is what he tells her).

Ragini- What?! Arches eyebrows, bats eyelids…Noooo…

Vikram- Stop your eye exercise, you are making me nauseas.

Ragini- Gasp! How rude!

Pulls the red lever meant to stop a train during emergency.

Vikram- Who is going to pay the fine for pulling that lever? Your maama?


Scene 7: Ragini confronts Bheera

Ragini- What did you tell my pati?

Bheera- That you are even more shiny and pure than 24ct gold.

Ragini- Pupils dialate. Reaaallyyyyy??? How shweettt…. Vikram didn’t believe me, he said things. Things that I cannot tell you in public. Fake tears….

Bheera- Really? Will you stay with me?

Ragini- Arches eyebrows, bats eyelids…giggle

Bheera- I love what you do with your eyes

Ragini- arches eyebrows, bats eyelids…giggle

Bheera- Waiiiiiiitttttt a minitteee… Does he know you are here? He has used you as a bait to locate me.

Ragini- Chee don’t be silly. If he had that much budhi, he would have caught you long ago.


Scene 8: Last scene THANK GOD.

Tan tan tanadannnnaaaannnnnnnnnnn…

Vikram comes with the entire Indian army and all the Alsatian dogs in Bangalore.

Vikram- Hasta la vista Bheera..

Ragini- Noooo… eess koo maath maarooo….

Vikram- Ragini, come I will get you the Cover girl lash blast mascara, come here.

Ragini- sachi muchi? Ok.

Doom doom doom…

Bheera- ahhhh….

Dudhak. RIP.


The End.
Rating- 2/10 (2 is only for Vikram). Mani Ratnam please take VRS.

PS1- This piece is dedicated to my friend K who is struggling in Basel without entertainment.

PS2- I am sorry this space was ignored for so many months. I am occupied with other things right now and this space shall be dusted occasionally.

PS3- Its not good to take such long breaks. It took me so long to write this crap review, you guys better leave a nice comment, if you are leaving one.

PS 4- To that nut job who is leaving me a comment in Chinese or Japanese or Korean for the Dorie Greenspan post, stop it. I get it that you like the cookie but you don’t have to leave a comment every week!!

22 comments:

  1. Where were you all these days? Missed you.
    Will read the review and comment again. Just wanted to say this first.

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  2. Hahahahaha, I thought you liked AB junior? You changed loyalties?
    I would not watch this film, even if I stay an insomniac forever....thanks for the fantastic review. I wonder who wrote the dialogues for AB.

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  3. What a big-bang way to come back SJ :) Pliss to not take such long breaks.

    'Vikram- Stop your eye exercise, you are making me nauseas.' - How could she stop that when that was the only thing she had to do in the whole movie :)

    LOL@ baniyan material - thank god the movie had some purpose, even if it were to prove how durable the baniyans were :)

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  4. hohoho! Water proof mascara sales are going to go up :D

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  5. funny review, granted. but covers only 1% of what the movie contained. actors are the most visible but not the only component in a movie na?

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  6. Nice Review dear..It was fun reading it....

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  7. hehehe.. i think u shud promote this review of urs. its def more entertaining than the movie. I haven't yet seen it. thq god!

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  8. Nags take sane review-http://shobhaade.blogspot.com/2010/06/raavan-one-head-is-better-than-ten.html
    I NEVER watch movies without reading reviews, this was one exception yappa such a costly mistake 22$+10$ for popcorn and soda+2hr18mins wasted watching this crap+30mins drive to the theatre. Mega royal waste. Sorry the movie is a total disaster.

    To the rest- Don't even watch it on CD.

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  9. hahahha Shobha De??? I'd rather take your own review to that :)

    I loved the movie (even though I am not even a Vikram-drooling fan let alone any of the other actors).

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  10. Nags, good that you like me more than Shobha de. You liked it I hated it no big deal. The End.

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  11. arreey, don't get defensive :) yeah its no big deal and doesn't make a rat's ass difference to how well (or not) the movie will do.

    u take care and think positive thoughts :D

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  12. Oye go. I am going to bed. Tata.

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  13. that was the coolest thing i read all week... nice one yaar.... now i'll never see the film... instead i'll refer my frenz to this review... its more entertainging that the film itself :)

    take care and keep writing.......

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  14. SJ !!!! Innu badkidiya ?? Where were u girl ? No reply to mails, no nothing !! Glad to see you with a review in your ishtyle ! Please keep blogging ok..

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  15. Bheeeeeeeeeeeraaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! OMG !!!!!!!!!!! That was hillarious !!! : ):) :) :)

    I think that is the final nail in the coffin... I must skip the movie... but somehow I feel I must go ... the reviews make it seem like a comic movie !! :P :p

    Welcome back !!!!!

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  16. What a comeback post, SJ!! So good to read you again!

    "Vikram- Ragini, come I will get you the Cover girl lash blast mascara, come here."--LOL!! That was classic! Vikram is sure is drool-drip worthy,no?? Sad even he couldnt save the movie!!

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  17. SJ welcome back!! I want to watch Vikram! IS he really droolsome? I havent drooled in ages...I want to watch this movie just to drool..

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  18. LOL..what a review!! thank god i didnt waste my money by watching it in a theatre though my roomy was forcing me but i stood my ground :D

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  19. Lolzz! Well naratted.
    Hindi version was pathetic and Tamil one was little better. Aish was so artificial with her expressions and Abhishek needs some acting classes lolzzz!!!

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  20. Where are you hiding girl...
    Read this hilarious review and a few more of your posts today ...wanted to bake those short bread cookies and got a reminder:)

    Didn't you get any more Aishwarya movies for reviewing ??
    Laughed out loud reading this one...

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  21. Hey,

    Nice review...enjoyed reading it...:)

    Dr.Sameena@

    http://www.myeasytocookrecipes.blogspot.com/

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  22. You are not keeping your promise of dusting up this space once in a while??? or will you do that only when people call you DEAR??

    Come out with a rocking post no?

    ReplyDelete

To avoid letting your comments go to my trash, always appreciate me and my posts! I will do the same :P